Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]
            Once upon a time , there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his
            Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He  used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday  market.

            One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and
            fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his
            childhood   ( the woodcutter and the axe )
            He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to
            test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers.
            The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
            As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a
            match box and asked, "
            Is this your computer ?
            " Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the
            engineer replied, " No."

            She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was
            his.
            Annoyed, the engineer said "
            No, not at all !!"

            Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it
            was his.
            The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

            The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give
            him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the
            engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me
            some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

            The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you
            stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the
            Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So
            saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

            ********
            Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better
            to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a genius than to
            open your mouth and remove all doubt.

                                   PRICELESS WORDS

           A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.
            He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees
            is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
            He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and
            pressed. He looks around the room and sees that
            it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the
            house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.
            "Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery
            shopping. Love You!"

            Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and
            sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.
            His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened
            last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye  when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks,  "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?  I should expect a big quarrel with her!" 
         His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
            and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off,
            you said,  "LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"
            Moral :
            Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
            Broken crockery - $ 800.00
            Breakfast - $ 10.00
            Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS "

  There are truly some things that both money and Mastercard  can't buy.............

What would life be with out friends like you
I'll tell you, like no longer being free.
Imagine what life would be so sad and blue
To go through life without that special you.
And I know we live so far away
Through the internet we are like castaways
Never get to touch or hug you for this I only pray
For some day I hope we can meet
To hug and laugh and dance to the beat
I know this would be a treat
For now this is all I see
Is my good friend here (online) with me
Just think what life would be
Without friends like you...

Joy in your  eyes,peace in your mind,warmth in your relations,love in your heart,goodness in your life,may the festival of colour fill your life with happiness and prosperityHAPPY         HOLI

Every morning I lie there innocently sleeping
When the peace is ruptured by a horrible beeping.
My serenity ripped asunder, sudden and drastic
By this evil, demonic, red-eyed piece of plastic.

I roll over in pain and pound on the snooze,
Groaning, moaning, thinking 'What's there to lose?'
'Don't make me get up, just nine minutes more.'
The same thing I've said every morning before.

It's not that I hate mornings or dread the new day.
It's just that I loathe waking up in this way.
I'd much rather simply rise up with the light,
Glowing in the window, chasing away the night.

But the sudden screaming, the incessant fuss,
Makes me want to yell and cry and simply to cuss.
Especially the knowledge that all of my sorrow
Will be repeated the same time, same way, tomorrow.

    Some Important notice for your health that I like to share with all…

Reduce volume of tea intake.Do not eat bread which has JUST been  toasted.

Stay a distance from your charger .

Drink more water in the morning, less at night.

Do not drink coffee twice a day.

Reduce your volume of oily food .

Best sleeping time is from 10 at night to 6 at the morning.

Do not have HUGE meals after 5pm.

Do not take alcohol more than a cup daily.

Do not take capsules with cold water.

Do not lie down immediately after taking medicine before sleeping .

 Have 8 hours sleep. Lack of it will make a person stupid .

If you can't get on early morning runs, 5-8 in the afternoon is a great time for jogging .

 When battery left last grid, do not answer the phone. The radiation is 1000 times.

 Answer the phone with your left ear. It'll spoil your brain directly if you use your right ear.Do not use earphone for long time. Rest your ear a while after 1 hour.

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... 'Aam hai kya?'

The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bechte.'

Next day at the same time, the parrot goes again and asks him ...'Aam hai kya ?'

He gets a little irritated and says... 'Aare Bola na, Hum 'Aam nahi Bechte'

On the third day, the parrot goes again and asks him 'Aam hai kya ?'

He gets wild and yells ...'Bola na naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to tumhare sar ke upar hathoda marunga '

The next day,the parrot comes again and asks him ..'hathoda hai kya?'

The shopkeeper says ... 'Nahi'

The parrot then asks ... 'Aam hai kya ?'

The next day parrot again goes to shopkeeper and asks "Aam hai kya??"

The shopkeeper is ready now....
He quickly pulls a hammer and hitz the parrot on the face.
The parrot looses all his teeth
But determined, parrot again goes 2 the shopkeeper next day n asks


"AAM KA JUICE HAI KYA???"-

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL MY ILAND FRIENDZ